Breakthrough and Breakdown.

Breakthrough:

Last night, Tyler got up in the middle of the night (around 2am) to pee.  He took himself to the bathroom, peed and then went right back to bed and NEVER SAID A WORD.  I didn't hear him at all - I was passed out cold.  Joel rose out of consciousness just enough to realize that someone was going to the bathroom.  Tyler's bedroom door was open this morning so we know it was him!

This represents TWO breakthroughs all wrapped up in one.  

First, Tyler has been staying in bed until at least 5:45-6:00 all week.  Part of me believes this to be a total fluke and that he's just not fully adjusted to Daylight Savings Time.  I think this is my way of bracing myself and not getting my hopes up about actually turning a corner.  We've also started putting the kids to bed about 20 minutes later so maybe that, combined with DST, is doing something.

Second, this kid is freakin' potty trained!!!!!  I just cannot get over how fast he took to this.  We still have the occasional accident but they are few and far between.  (I'm so sorry to all my fellow parent friends out there with potty training struggles - I promise I don't mean to rub it in.  Keep reading to the breakdown section and you'll see I'm totally paying my fair share of parenting dues.)

Breakdown:

Joel and I signed up and paid for these online parenting classes to help with the tantrums and power struggles we have - particularly with Lily, but Tyler is known to give us a run for our money too.  The videos teach about how children need to feel a sense of belonging and significance (in addition to the basic needs of food/shelter/love and tablets - haha, ok that last tablet bit I made up).  The whole point of the class is to teach you techniques to deal with your kids that don't involve spanking and time out - neither of which work on Lily anyhow.

Problem is, we haven't made the time to actually WATCH the videos.  We've seen the first few introductory ones where they tell you a little bit about why kids misbehave (e.g. they don't feel that sense of belonging or significance), but we haven't gotten around to the ones that actually tell us WHAT to DO about it.

So last night, Lily did a number on me.  It took over an hour to put her to bed.  She screamed, hit, grunted, yelled and fought the whole time.  I did my very best to remain calm.  To not yell.  To not spank.  To not put her in time out.  Because the videos tell me these things don't work (which I already knew from experience).  I managed most of that ok...but did eventually lock her in her room for about 5 minutes while I collected myself.  I figured that was the better choice than knocking her from here to kingdom come (as my parents used to say) which is what I nearly did.

At about minute 40 of the tantrum/power struggle, I broke down.  I started bawling.  I was exhausted.  I needed an 8pm bedtime myself last night and here it was 8:30 and I felt like there was no end in sight to this ongoing tantrum. 

Seeing me fall apart does seem to have an affect on Lily and she starts to come around.  But, it still took another 30 minutes to get through bedtime routine after that.  Plus, I shouldn't have to have a crying meltdown for my kids to listen to me and put on their galldang pajamas.  Not only that, but I highly doubt that my crying fits would carry the same impact if I did that every time they didn't listen...

We must find time to watch these videos.  We need help.  I am so tired of my 4-year-old being the one who controls the situation.  That only fuels my frustration and anger further and then it's a death spiral from there.

But just look at them.  You totally don't believe a word I'm saying, do you?