And we're walking. We're walking.

Over the past couple weeks, Tyler has been increasing the number of steps that he will take at once. 

He's been up to 3-5 steps on average. 

He's also been more willing to actually take those steps on his own. 

As in, it doesn't take one of us standing him up in front of something he wants......

.... to entice him to walk toward it. 

 

Last night he took 14 steps!

 

He's on his way!



Weaned.

Tyler is weaned.  Much to his extreme frustration and disappointment and my heartbreak.

We were down to only nursing in the mornings right after waking up anyway.  Our long weekend out of our normal routine presented an unexpected opportunity to wean Tyler the rest of the way.  Between being gone one of the mornings and Tyler’s crazy waking up at the wrong times on the other mornings, we didn’t nurse like we normally do.   Tyler was up before me, hanging with his Meme and Papaw and having breakfast before I got up.  Then when I got up and tried to nurse, Tyler was kind of over it for the day and wouldn’t nurse.

So, Sunday while driving back to Indiana, after having not nursed or pumped that morning, I contemplated and churned and deliberated whether I was going to just consider our nursing relationship as concluded.  Cold turkey.  

With Lily, I knew about a month in advance exactly when I was going to be nursing her for the last time.  I had it all planned out because it was in preparation for a trip I was going to take.  I didn’t want to have to drag my pump with me.  Plus I was pregnant with Tyler and I was tired and Lily was 13.5 months old and it was just time.

Weaning Lily wasn’t too tough.  I nursed her for the last time on a Friday morning.  On the weekends, we had a routine of bringing her into bed with us in the mornings and I nursed her there.  The first Saturday where we didn’t nurse, we mistakenly followed our normal routine of bringing Lily in to bed with us but just offered her a sippy cup of milk instead of the boob.  When I didn’t nurse her, she got really, really upset (which made me really upset).  But I stuck to the plan and sent Joel and Lily to the kitchen so she could be distracted with breakfast and I joined them a little bit later.  Lily was fine.  On Sunday, Joel took her straight to the kitchen upon getting her up and she didn’t “ask” to nurse at all.  That was the end of it.  For her.

For me, weaning her was very physically painful.  At 30 hours post last nursing session (LNS), I was in pain.  PAIN.  My boobs ached.  Oh how they ached.  It hurt to wear clothes.  It hurt to have anyone touch me at all.  Misery. By 36 hours post LNS, I was bawling, I hurt so bad.  I was cursing every nursing mother I could think of for not telling me how much weaning hurt.  I sent Joel out for cabbage and constantly rotated cabbage leaves in my sports bra.  It was really, really awful (and smelly).

At 48 hours post LNS, I was pretty sure my boobs were going to explode right off my chest.  I expressed a little milk just to make sure my nipples didn’t go flying off my body and take someone’s eye out.  I was beginning to think there was no way I was going to be able to go to work the next day.  No way.  And then, probably about 55 hours post LNS, the pain started to ease up.  And it continued to ease up and by Monday morning, 72 hours post LNS, I was completely better.  No pain.  No discomfort.  I don’t even remember any leaking.  Weaning complete.

I’m telling you all this because this misery played a pretty significant role in my decision whether to stop nursing Tyler this past weekend or not.  I didn’t want to be going through all that pain, discomfort and misery while at work (since I wouldn’t have started the weaning at the beginning of the weekend like I did last time).

But Sunday night, at 36 hours post LNS, I wasn’t uncomfortable at all.  I felt fine.  I made the decision that night before bed that I was done.  Tyler and I were done with this part of our relationship. Monday morning, I woke up and cried.  Not because I was hurting because, amazingly, I wasn’t hurting one bit.  But because I was so sad.  I was a little heartbroken that I wasn’t nursing any more.  Joel said, “So, don’t stop.”  Like, duh Kelly, it’s that simple.

This is my last baby (that’s a sensitive topic for another day).  This is it.  It’s hard to let go.

However, I felt like I had made the decision, I wasn’t hurting physically, Tyler is more than 14 months old, it’s time.  I will just go through this same set of emotions the next time quitting comes up.  It won’t be easier one, two or six months down the line, so get on with it.  Plus, not knowing days, weeks, months in advance when the last day was going to be, might be for the better.

I stuck to my guns and I didn’t nurse Tyler on Monday morning.

And he’s been a terror ever since.

Mornings are awful.  He screams at me.  He won’t lie still so I can change his diaper.  He throws things.  He pulls on my shirt.  Wednesday, after I got him dressed, he crawled over the rocker and turned to look at me with these big, expectant eyes like “Come on, Mama.  This is what we do next.”  I almost fell apart.  Yesterday morning he screamed and screamed and played “stiff as a board” when I tried to put him in his car seat.  Ever tried putting a screaming, stiff baby into a car seat?  That could be one of the challenges on a game show like American Gladiators or something.  

Anyway, I don’t know if Tyler’s really missing nursing or if there are other things going on and it’s just a coincidence?  Either way, it’s hard for me to take.  That broken heart I have is getting stomped on and kicked around a little.

And, on top of that, I started getting some discomfort in my girls a couple days ago.  NOTHING like what I went through with Lily, but still no picnic.  And I’m a little leaky which is annoying.  I think I’m going to start taking some antihistamines to see if that helps dry me up.  So, I’ll be a zombie until that regimen is over!

Tennessee Vacation.

Joel and I took some much needed time off of work and headed to Tennessee last Thursday for a long weekend away.   The drive went pretty smoothly.   The babes slept for quite a bit so that contributed to the smoothness.   It took us about 6 hours to get to Meme and Papaw's house and that's with several stops (gas, lunch, play, pee) so we were pleased with our travel time.  

We arrived in the late afternoon and the kiddos commenced with immediately exploring all the toys.   There were only a few minor disputes among the siblings about who was going to get which toy when. 

That evening, Tyler got his first of four baths (he really likes the water) for the weekend.

 We usually approach bedtime with pure dread at the thought of potential meltdowns and bedtime in a different place sets us all on edge for what mayhem we might have on our hands.   Fortunately, the kids were pretty tired and didn't fight us TOO much to go to bed. 

We put both kids in the same room - they've done this before with no problem so I thought we'd try that again.   It worked pretty well - at least at first.  

 

 

At 3:30 in the morning, I wake up to both kids crying (well Tyler was kind of screaming).   Since both kids tend to wake up in the night and cry out (and usually put themselves back to sleep on their own) I'm not sure who woke who up.   But I guess that doesn't matter too much because, fact was, they were both awake.   I go in the room and Tyler wails even louder to be picked up, so I did.   Which just set Lily off to wailing because she wanted me to pick HER up.   Tyler's pulling on my tank top trying to get at my boobs.   Lily's crying for me to read her a story.   My head is all foggy because I took some Nyquil before I went to bed and it's the middle of the night.   And oh, by the way, I'm in a different place than normal too and nearly broke my neck trying to figure out how to get out of the room I was in, while in my drug induced, sleepy fog!

 

 

So I plop down on the floor and nurse Tyler on one side and he calms down.   Meanwhile, I keep trying to sooth Lily by telling her I will read her a story in a second.  After nursing Tyler, I put him on the bed and read the kids a story.   Lily calms down and snuggles back in to her covers. I go to put Tyler back in the pack 'n' play and he's winds up all over again.   Uhhhgg. 

 

 

Meanwhile, Papaw gets up because Molly dog hasn't gotten adjusted to daylight savings time yet and wakes up at 3:30 in the morning wanting to be fed (vs her normal 4:30 wake time - reason number 847 why I will never have a dog). When getting up, Papaw got stung by an unidentified varmint.   So now, with the stinging varmint, hungry dog and crying baby commotion going on, Meme's up too!   She takes Tyler and I continue trying to sooth Lily. I thought she was good to go so I went back to bed and put my ear plugs in. 

 

 

About 30 seconds later, Joel joins in on the action and gets out of bed because apparently Lily was NOT good to go.  He tried a couple times to get her to go back to sleep and she wasn't having it. So he ended up getting up with her. 

 

 

Meanwhile, it's now 4am and I lay in bed, willing myself to go back to sleep.  About 6:00, I finally do and at 6:30, Joel peeks his head in the room and I wake up to awesome breakfast smells.   Bacon or sleep?   Hmmm.....I chose bacon.


Later that morning, Meme and Lily were finger painting with pudding that they made together.  Lily really got a kick out that.

 Later that morning, Joel and I took off for Gatlinburg for 30 hours of kid free bliss!  That was the first time that we have been together without kids for that length of time since before Lily was born.  (She's almost 3....)


We had a super duper duper great time.  It was so nice to just be together without kids crying and yelling (or us crying and yelling for that matter).  No figuring out what to feed them.  No wiping butts or cleaning up poop.  No begging children to get out of the bath tub.  No 45 minute bedtime routine.  Bless you, Meme and Papaw!  We needed that time and we're pretty grateful for it.


Our hotel was a little bit off the main drag and so we got in a lot of walking (probably > 5 miles on Friday).  Which was good because we ate dinner at the Melting Pot.  Yum-oh!

This one is from our first visit to the Melting Pot back when we were dating!  Circa 2008.

This one is from the second time we visited the Melting Pot the summer after Lily was born (2011).

Man we love that place.  But our wallets.....not so much.  $100 dinner.  Good thing we're rich (Joel's favorite joke whenever we splurge on something)!  Hahahaha!

We got a couple texts from Meme while we were away.  Apparently Lily was a bit jealous of Tyler taking a bath in the sink and she told Meme she wanted to get in too.  Meme told her that she was too big for the sink and Lily insisted that she was NOT too big.  Meme turns around and Lily is standing in the kitchen bare butt naked.  So, in to the sink she goes!

Lily was driving Tyler around in this tractor.  Pretty cute.

We returned late Saturday afternoon and while I thoroughly enjoyed my time alone with the hubs, I was happy to see my babies.

On Sunday, the kids played a little bit before we had to leave. 

And, we took the requisite overlook pictures.....or at least we tried.

Audrey Danielle.

My beautiful niece.

 

A couple weekends ago, Lily and I visited Jenny's house so we could meet the newest addition to our family.  Lily was completely enamored with her newest cousin.

 

 

So precious. 

 

(This version of Lily is what gets me through the version where the devil is oozing out her eyeballs!)

 

While we were off visiting in Ohio, Tyler and Daddy had a man's weekend.  They never left the house.  I got several texts while I was away.

 

"I will eat Mama's potato soup.  I won't eat green beans anymore, but I will dunk them in the potatoes and eat them."

"Animal Crackers for breakfast dessert!"

"Tyler and his turd stealing monkey are throwing away trash."

 



"Playing with sister's toys cause she's not here!  Nah-nah-nuh-nah-nah!"

"I had fun with you today Daddy."

Those are probably the sweetest words that Joel has ever heard in his life. 

 

 

And his beautiful daughter said them to him after they spent some 1:1 time together at the indoor playground yesterday after school.

 

Joel decided to spend some 1:1 time with Lily because we've been having a lot of trouble lately with her attitude.  Lots of screaming fits.  And by "fits" I mean all out raging, yelling, blood vessel popping, hulk-like tantrums.  That last 30 minutes. 

 

I feel like we've tried everything to get her to "straighten up" or even just calm down.  Time out is ineffective.  Spanking is ineffective.  Taking things away is ineffective.  Talking in calm voices down at her level is ineffective.  Trying to "hug it out" is ineffective. 

 

So instead, Joel wanted to try something completely different - which we did a year ago when Tyler was born and we had tantrum issues.  He took her out to do something fun.  Just the two of them.  They went to the Commons playground and played and played.  He bought her a treat from Subway.  They had a great time.  It was good for both of their souls and I was happy for that.

 

So when Lily said, "I had fun with you today Daddy" last night during dinner completely out of no where, I started to cry a little bit.  Both because it was absolutely one of the sweetest moments I've ever witnessed from Lily but also because I was hurt a little. 

 

I feel like I work so hard to make sure the kids are bathed and fed good food and get good nights sleep.  I buy them treats and I take Lily shopping, which she loves.  I fix Lily's hair and buy her Doc McStuffins clothes and barrettes.  Plus a million other things to try to make their lives good and fun and make them happy and feel safe and so on. 

 

So it stung a little, when we just came back from a girls weekend to visit baby Audrey which I had hoped would have a similar affect as the playground time Joel had.  And it most certainly didn't. Lily threw lots of tantrums.  I had to beg her to eat her food.  She ran around naked, unwilling to put her pajamas on.  She screamed at the top of her lungs.  Mom and Jenny and Josh are staring at us in complete disbelief.  Then yesterday morning, Lily woke up in a terrible mood and wouldn't get dressed - she was taking her clothes of faster than I could put them on her.  At one point, I threaten to leave, hoping to motivate her to get dressed.  I walked out the door with Tyler and she runs after me, naked, in the 40 degree weather.  So I put Tyler down and try to grab her and she takes off running in the front yard.  Naked.  The grass has frost on it.  I start crying.  She's already crying and screaming.  Tyler's screaming.  It was awful.  Really really awful.

 

So after almost 36 hours of Lily being a crazy person around me, I felt like I got punched in the guts when Daddy got to be the hero.  So I was happy for him, I really was, but I was also sad because I need a moment like that with my daughter.  My soul needs a little healing too.

 

On the bright side, today with Lily was better.  Not perfect, but much better.