"I had fun with you today Daddy."

Those are probably the sweetest words that Joel has ever heard in his life. 

 

 

And his beautiful daughter said them to him after they spent some 1:1 time together at the indoor playground yesterday after school.

 

Joel decided to spend some 1:1 time with Lily because we've been having a lot of trouble lately with her attitude.  Lots of screaming fits.  And by "fits" I mean all out raging, yelling, blood vessel popping, hulk-like tantrums.  That last 30 minutes. 

 

I feel like we've tried everything to get her to "straighten up" or even just calm down.  Time out is ineffective.  Spanking is ineffective.  Taking things away is ineffective.  Talking in calm voices down at her level is ineffective.  Trying to "hug it out" is ineffective. 

 

So instead, Joel wanted to try something completely different - which we did a year ago when Tyler was born and we had tantrum issues.  He took her out to do something fun.  Just the two of them.  They went to the Commons playground and played and played.  He bought her a treat from Subway.  They had a great time.  It was good for both of their souls and I was happy for that.

 

So when Lily said, "I had fun with you today Daddy" last night during dinner completely out of no where, I started to cry a little bit.  Both because it was absolutely one of the sweetest moments I've ever witnessed from Lily but also because I was hurt a little. 

 

I feel like I work so hard to make sure the kids are bathed and fed good food and get good nights sleep.  I buy them treats and I take Lily shopping, which she loves.  I fix Lily's hair and buy her Doc McStuffins clothes and barrettes.  Plus a million other things to try to make their lives good and fun and make them happy and feel safe and so on. 

 

So it stung a little, when we just came back from a girls weekend to visit baby Audrey which I had hoped would have a similar affect as the playground time Joel had.  And it most certainly didn't. Lily threw lots of tantrums.  I had to beg her to eat her food.  She ran around naked, unwilling to put her pajamas on.  She screamed at the top of her lungs.  Mom and Jenny and Josh are staring at us in complete disbelief.  Then yesterday morning, Lily woke up in a terrible mood and wouldn't get dressed - she was taking her clothes of faster than I could put them on her.  At one point, I threaten to leave, hoping to motivate her to get dressed.  I walked out the door with Tyler and she runs after me, naked, in the 40 degree weather.  So I put Tyler down and try to grab her and she takes off running in the front yard.  Naked.  The grass has frost on it.  I start crying.  She's already crying and screaming.  Tyler's screaming.  It was awful.  Really really awful.

 

So after almost 36 hours of Lily being a crazy person around me, I felt like I got punched in the guts when Daddy got to be the hero.  So I was happy for him, I really was, but I was also sad because I need a moment like that with my daughter.  My soul needs a little healing too.

 

On the bright side, today with Lily was better.  Not perfect, but much better.