It's Not A Too-mah (Tumor).

I'm sitting here thinking that's a really clever blog title.  And then I'm thinking about the blog book and how in 20+ years when my kids are old enough (and care enough) to read those books about their childhood, they will have NO IDEA what in the hell that statement is referencing.  Instead, it will likely be further evidence that their mother is one wacky lady.  So, kids, Kindergarten Cop, Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Google it.  If that's even still a thing.

Anywho, why am I even talking about tumors?  Well because I seriously had (have?) myself convinced that I have one.  On my butt.  On my tailbone to be more precise.

Whenever I do yoga at the free classes at work and we do "boat pose," I find it horribly difficult due to the extreme pain I feel in my rear end.  

I chalked it up to the fact that I pretty much suck at yoga and was probably doing it wrong and/or my abs and gluts are just not strong enough to pull myself up out of my @ss.  And that's why it hurts.

But then, this past Saturday, we took the kids to the playground.  And I went down this slide which I've been down a dozen times before with no problem at all.  (Photo from March 2013 - look at all my chins!)

I about cried the whole way down.  My tailbone was raked across each and every one of those rollers for the whole 10 feet of slide.  I nearly blacked out when I got to the bottom I was in so much pain (I went solo - thank goodness - no kiddos on my lap).  I walked it off.  I was tough.  I didn't cry....from going down a SLIDE.

At the start of the weekend, I had told Joel that I really wanted to get the bicycle out on Sunday and take the kiddos for a ride (I pull them in a trailer).  But when Sunday arrived, there was this little nagging voice in the back of my head that tried to talk me out of the bike ride since my tailbone was a little sore from the day before.  However, I was worried I was inventing an excuse to not exercise so I squashed the little voice and took the kids on a 3 mile ride.  Probably 20 minutes total.  No big thang.

As expected from the first bike ride of the season, my hiney was tired and a bit sore after the ride.  But by Sunday night, I was in excruciating pain.  I didn't sleep.  At all.  The whole night.  Every time I moved, me arse hurt.  

Driving to work on Monday, I cried.  The pressure of sitting in the car and driving was more than I could take.  Working that day was misery.  I couldn't sit.  I couldn't walk.  Definitely couldn't do any yoga boat poses!!  

Tuesday I sat on a neck pillow all day.  Cause I don't have one of those arse donuts.  I'm sure my coworkers all think I have hella hemorrhoids.  But I don't care.

Last night, I'm lying in bed, not sleeping, still sore, feeling my tailbone.  And it feels huge.  Like seriously huge.  And lying there, I convinced myself that there is only one explanation for my huge tailbone.  I must have a tumor.  On my tailbone.  And boat pose, roller slides and bicycles were aggravating my tumor and bruising it.  

And then it hit me.  I'm one of THOSE PEOPLE.  I've read stories about people who have lost a bunch of weight and then freak out because they find a hard mass in their abdomen.  Which turned out to be a rib.  I think I had so much padding on my rear end, that my tailbone was previously not so exposed.  Roller slides were no issue for me because I had built in safety gear.  And yoga boat pose?  Hahaha, yeah, like I was doing any of that 65 pounds ago!

So, I'm pretty sure (pretty hopeful) that I do not have a tumor on my tailbone.  I've only just become reacquainted with it.  Hello there!