In typical Kelly Fonner style, we were all sportin' green today for the occasion. I didn't ask Joel to dye his beard green. Perhaps that'll come after we've been married 10 years. Don't want to scare him away so early on with ALL of the requirements of being married to a Fonner.
I had a pretty good birthday. It started out with my weigh in. I had a little goal I was trying to reach by today. I made it! Happy Birthday to me! More on that in a dedicated blog post later.
Then, since I made my goal, I pretty much had a go crazy day on my diet. I tried to be good.....at first. But then I got out of bed. Haha! Then I had to go and get donuts involved. And lunch with my bestie. And pizza. And cupcakes. And cookies. So yeah, whatever, I'm entitled to an overboard day. Tomorrow is a new day.
After work, we took a few pictures which went better than normal in terms of cooperation by everyone (yes, it's bad enough to get the kids to cooperate, but even Joel fights me on the picture taking ordeal - but not today!). However, we didn't get any shots of all four of us looking at the camera at the same time.
Then the kiddos and Joel showered me with a bunch of presents! The theme was "green" presents! The kids had helped Joel pick the stuff out and wrap it. Lily was so excited to give me the presents. She only told me what one thing was before I opened it.
So I know I said green presents and most are, but there's a few things not green. Dark chocolate! YUM! And that box of mess and wires? A heated seat kit for my car!!! I'm so excited for next winter to get here when I'll have heated seats! Haha, just kidding. I can be plenty patient for next winter. Anyhow, this is the main thing I wanted and it's something we'll have to wait to install until the summer time when Joel can reliably drive the bronco or motorcycle to work while I drive his truck while the installation is in progress. Awesome gift. Lily wrote her own name in the card. Not too bad! And Tyler made a few artistic contributions as well.
The kiddos went NUTS playing with the wrapping paper when I was finished opening. I have never seen them play like that together and it just completely filled me up. They were running around and chasing each other and laughing hysterically. I was chasing after them trying to take a good picture. Fail. (Don't judge Joel's wrapping paper choice.....there weren't many options in the closet...)
They were running all over the house. Back and forth from the living room to our bedroom. Cracking me up.
And then, it was game over. And now my fun birthday post takes a turn. But you know what? That's life. That's how it goes sometimes. Just because it's my birthday, doesn't mean the kids will behave perfectly. Hang on, though, til the end here folks. It turns out ok.
I picked up a pizza for supper and when it was time to eat, Lily went in to full on defiance and tantrum mode. She wanted to sit on my lap for supper. I said she had to sit in her chair. She disagreed. And so it goes. A perfectly wonderful birthday afternoon vanishing before my eyes.
I could have just given in and let her sit on my lap - that would have been easy. Taken care of the problem quickly. But I'm really getting tired of my 3 year running the show. I'm really tired of fighting with her to get dressed, brush her teeth, go potty, pick up toys, put on her shoes, go to bed, etc etc etc. I'm sick of her insisting she needs to get a vitamin from this parent, not that parent. Or have that parent get her milk, not this parent. On and on. It's a power struggle and she always wins because one or both of us run out of patience to wait her out.
I had been talking with a coworker just today about discipline of toddlers. He gave me some speech about linking disobedience and disobeying with punishment and children have to understand the consequences of their actions and blah, Blah, BLAH. Yes, I know this. I've watched Super Nanny.
But then he said something that did resonate with me. He said, "You really want to break this mentality of the kids believing they are in charge while they are still really young. Do you really want to be having this fight when they are 13 or 16 and demanding to do things you really don't want them to do?" Hmmmm...
So I asked him, what are the consequences for your kid when he acts up? He spanks (which I am totally ok with in the right situation). And I asked him if that works. Does your kid get it and know he did wrong when you spank him? Yes.
Well mine doesn't. Spanking does not phase Lily in the slightest. She couldn't care less. Time out doesn't work. She won't stay in it. I have to practically sit on her to make her stay put.
So, I have two tools left at my disposal that seem to at least have some impact on her. 1) lock her in her room and 2) take her things away.
So tonight, I did both things. I started with taking away her Doc McStuffins doll. I explained that she could have it back at bed time if she was a good listener the rest of the day. Fail.
So then I took her Rapunzel doll (far more prized than Doc). I explained again she could have her back at bed time if she was a good listener. Fail.
So then, I locked her in her room and let her scream for about 5 minutes. Mind you, we are trying to eat during all this. I went back after 5 minutes and hugged her and told her I loved her and wanted her to eat with us if she could be calm.
She was calm for about 10 seconds and then started screaming for her dolls back. Nope. Not giving in. Back to her room she went for another 5 minutes. I went again, hugged her, told her I loved her and tried to bring her the kitchen again. This time, we actually got to the dinner table before she started screaming for her dolls back. So, back to her room we went again. Another 5 minutes.
Third time's a charm right?
Well tonight it was. After that last 5 minutes (and some more hugging and I love yous), she came to the dinner table and ate ALL HER FOOD (slowly, but completely on her own). We chatted, joked and sang songs. It was wonderful. We were able to have birthday cupcakes (I toyed with not allowing the cupcakes, but I don't want too many punishments - plus it's my birthday and I don't want to be punished!). She then played and played and played and laughed and was sweet as can be for the rest of the night. Total transformation. At bed time, she asked for Doc and Rapunzel back and she got them. I reinforced that she was getting them back because she was a good listener after dinner.
I was really proud of both me and Joel through all that screaming. We never once raised our voices. I was consistent in my message. Joel backed me up. So maybe we can start to break this pattern. But having the mental strength to not raise my voice when she's being a crazy person....whew, much easier said than done. But I will try.
So cupcakes....yes, cupcakes (or cuh-cay as Tyler says).
YUM.
No comments:
Post a Comment