Crazy? Brave? Nah, just real.

My cousin told me I was being brave by putting all that personal stuff out there in my weight loss post.

When I first started writing it, I thought I was being brave too.  Well actually, first I thought I was crazy stupid.  Who's really going to care about this?  Won't I be embarrassing myself?  Am I really going to tell the whole world my weight?  

Then I transitioned in to thinking I was being brave.  I am going to tell the whole world my weight!  I am going to tell everyone I love McDonald's and cookies!  I am going to make an example of myself!

And then, I had a major realization.  You are not going to believe this.

EVERYONE ALREADY KNEW I WAS FAT!

Gasp!  Yes, yes, it's true!  All I did was put a weight and a pants size out there which perhaps makes it more relatable and real - maybe that's brave but I don't really think so.  Plus, in the spirit of honesty and all that, there's nothing like the 25+ virtual pats on the back that I got after posting to Facebook - so there was a pretty significant selfish element involved that didn't have a thang to do with bravery! 

So, thank you for thinking I'm brave, but now you know the real truth!

My uncle mentioned how hard it is to lose weight and keep it off.  He's hitting on my exposed nerve with this comment.  The "keep it off" part.  I am UH-FRAID of this phase.  The keeping it off part is going to make the losing part look like a walk in the park.  When you're actively losing, you're seeing progress regularly.  You see the number on the scale go down.  Your clothes fit differently and then you get to buy new ones all together.  In other words, you're rewarded tangibly and regularly.  The thought of entering maintenance mode gives me sweaty palms.  I've already begun to think about what my strategies will be to help me maintain.  Folks have asked me if I will stay on Weight Watchers.  Yes.  If I don't count points, I will not hold myself accountable.  One little nibble here, not measuring the cheese there and next thing you know 5 pounds will be back before I can blink.  And that's as far as I've gotten on my plan.  

But I'm not done losing yet (.... I hope).  I still have a tiny bit more I want to lose before I go into maintenance mode so I've got time to figure it out.  But I fully recognize that it will be important for me to have a plan and accountability.  Control freak much?  Yes.  But for me, having a plan and clear expectations leads to success whether it's weight loss, work, parenting or whatever.

And finally, one last comment before I leave this subject of weight and return my blogging to the regularly scheduled series called "Cute things my kids did / Things my kids did that made me go all bat sh*t crazy."

I think I understated the importance that Joel has played in my progress.  He really is my partner in all things.  Even though weight is NEVER GOING TO BE AN ISSUE for his tall, skinny @ss and he has absolutely no concept of a pure love of (greasy, fattening, sweet) food, he has been so supportive.  He totally gets my trigger points and really helps me avoid them.  He encourages me every single day.  He constantly tells me how good I'm looking and how proud he is.  But, most importantly, he didn't love me less when I was uber heavy.  Even if I loved me less.  And for that, I love him more.  Sniffle.